Thank you Nancy - keep up the pressure!!!

First of all: whatever. I've been following Senator Nancy Pelosi's career for a very long time and it occurs to me that all the Republicans are basically afraid of her. Why? Because only she knows the dirt on the worst Republican of them all, and that's so-called "Newt" Gingrich. Basically, she knows the scoop on how he got the nickname "Newt." Normally I wouldn't post this information, since she's keeping it a secret, but the stupid Republicans and Fib-ertarians out there can't read, and the ones who can don't go to my blog. So here goes:

A long time ago, way back when "Newt" (real name: Boonwicker) was just a kid, he got in trouble for arguing with his 4th grade teacher. He demanded that the kids be allowed to cheer during show-and-tell. She said that cheering "Undermined the solemn dignity of the occasion." So he decided from that point on, he would never again be thwarted by a "mere woman."

Later that night, while most children were at home chilling, Boonwicker was plotting destruction. When nobody was looking, he snuck out of the house and drove five miles to the Elementary School after first stopping for a quick burger at McDonald's. When he got there, he did something so loathsome that I can't even speak of it....but here goes.

Boonwicker knew that Mars was in ascension and Jupiter was in the 7th house and that the vernal equinox and the summer solstice had merged for the first time in 10,000,000 years. It was a time of great magical potential for most people, but not ol' Boonwicker. For him, it was a chance to destroy the very fabric of reality in that classroom. First he drew out a circle using chalk that he didn't pay for from the blackboard. Then he laid out scented candles that he stole from his grandmother, Mama Gingrich. Then he did the unthinkable: he took the class mascot, Jerry the Newt, from his little glass terrarium. At the top of his voice he shouted, "Odin! Hera! Oh little known Hindu god Tika Redclaw! If you give me the power to get in major trouble and have everyone know about it and SUCCEED ANYWAY, then I will totally be thankful...!" To seal the horrible contract, he plucked Jerry's eye out and ate it. This final act was what gave him his powers, and that night will forever be known as his Contract with O-Hera-Claw.

The next morning, the teacher found out, sent him to the principal's office, and when he got back, all the republican kids cheered him, yelling, "Newt! Newt! Newt!" over and over again. The democrat kids were too horrified. One of those democrat kids was Nancy Pelosi.

Don't tell anyone this story until he gets the so-called "nomination."

59 point earthquake is NOT Obama's "fault"

Everyone keeps saying that the earthquake that just struck Virginia is Obama's fault but I'm here to say quite the opposite: the events leading up to this earthquake started under the previous administration.

Some so-called "reporter" was erroneously talking about how the president was playing golf, and then the earthquake happened due to a "fault". Disgusting. That reporter should be fired. If those reporters knew anything then they would have mentioned that Barrack hates golf but has to play because he's being forced to by the corporations. Fat cat millionaires and private jet owners have been leaning on him heavily to play golf, so he's picking his battles. But he WILL win the war.

A popular hip-hop artist describes his feelings about the negative criticism being leveled by Fox News: "Man, this erf-quake is wack, yo. Das fo' damn sure."

I couldn't agree more.

Following the untimely death of Usama bin Ladin, white people are celebrating

I think it is disgusting. A human being died, and now we have shows like this popping up all over TV, showing jubilant white children claiming that they no longer have to live in fear for what the republicans have done to the world. Well, I am here to tell you: you are WRONG. Until I can walk down the street and buy government issued bread and water from my grocery store - with carbon credits - your oil-soaked dreams of islamic occupation in the mid east will never succeed!

Momentous events are upon us, in the world at large...

To all of my readers, those of you who have returned here every day for the last 280+ days to see if I have written anything new, I want you to know that every time I checked to see if the account was still active, I was thinking about you. One of these times was just the other day. Anyway, I am sure many of you came back several times a day hoping that I had posted something on the various topics that have plagued the planet (the hurricane that caused all the reactors in China to explode, the tomato outbreak in Atlanta, and Prince Harry's wedding in Scotland), and for that, I will probably never forget you. I just want to say that those things were horrible.

One thing that I am sure you may have heard of is that Usama bin Laden is now presumed missing in the Mid East. There are many rumors, and very few facts in these malconsistant times... Unfortunaterly, some people (Bush, mostly) and others (Jeff Foxworthy) have been suggesting that Usama was murdered by our president, Barrack Obama. He was not. The president was doing his best to help a bad situation all around, and yes, some things probably went wrong, and that's a good reason why we need more gun control, especially in the so-called "military". Barrack Obama didn't come right out and say it, but it was there if you knew what to look for: guns are dangerous, and if you use them, people will get hurt. Bush knew this and did nothing to stop it.

Anyway, I have to go do something. Please continue to check back here every day to see if I have posted anything new. It means so much.

Until next time,
Candle

Taking a tiny break

Because blogging once a week can be extremely exhausting and emotionally traumatizing, I am pausing my endless crusade against bigotry and hegemony to contemplate the gentle sparrow, who flaps her majestic wings over mighty lakes and mountains, seas and starfields, chased by the shadow of a dream... I have been contemplating that sentence for the last two minutes, and it reminds me that if you pause and put your mind to something you can really make a difference.

Though technically I am resting and not blogging, I must follow my muse, for I feel a poem coming on:

Ecstasy's Child
Do I love my inner child?
Does it love me, Candle Wylde?
I must abort this inner fetus,
Before it grows up and tries to eat us.

The songs of yesterday do not matter today,
La la la, hoo a lay...
That's Hawaiian for, "I don't know,"
To which I respond, "Hoo haka lo..."

New green campaign to stop global warming!

Hi guys, here's the new ad campaign that's going to stop global warming. Its really neat and everyone in the video has a British accent! I couldn't have done it better myself!

Make sure you watch it now, because the Republicans keep using their hackers to take it down!

Thanks El Pollo Real for the tip.

When the poor have nowhere to go...

Witness below the true cost of being rich in so-called "America". These children illustrate my point exactly. Normally I have little regard for children, because they just steal oxygen from the rain forests and contribute to childhood obesity. However, as you can see in this video, rich people have been pushing them away from safe places to ride their skateboards. Now, because of corporations, they can't exercise in peace without running over oddly placed wooden inclines or suddenly coming upon dangerous concrete steps, forcing them to jump at the last minute onto precarious metal handrails to avoid a dangerous tumble. What kid wants to be skating along and then suddenly fall off the edge of a 5 foot high drop, because industrialists have removed all the government-approved roller skating facilities? What kid wants to play in some abandoned warehouse district? Nobody has these answers, and if they do, they aren't talking.

Republican jerks, if you don't realize by now the horrors of capitalism, maybe you should start. If only to save your precious so-called "children" so that they can grow up to worship Jesus, oppress women and attack Muslims.

How to stop so-called "protestors" from disrupting peaceful meetings

In this video, you learn how to keep violent right-wing extremist protesters from ruining democratic meetings. Thank you Idaho Spud for this training video.

Take THIS Republicans! Eat our new logo!!!

Why isn't the media reporting more about CHRISTIANS burning the Muslim holy book?!

OMFG DID YOU HEAR WHAT'S HAPPENING IN FLORIDA? There's this crazy pastor who has been burning the sacred holy book of the Muhadamians, the Quaaorana-ibm-satchmo, or as Fox News consistently and racistly reports, the "Quoran"...

I am so disgusted I can't think straight. They should arrest that pastor today under Habeas Corpus and send him to Palestine and see how much he likes burning them. I'm positive that by about the 5th or 6th Quaaoran he would LEARN that what he is doing is intolerant! If he did that they would teach him a lesson he'd NEVER forget, and the world would bear VIDEO witness to his stupid racist machismo ways. That's the difference between countries that respect each others' right to not burn books and the so-called "freedom loving" hypocrite countries like the United Mistakes of Americrap.

The other day on the way home from Cosi, I happened upon an unattended Quaaorana-ibm-satchmo. It was sitting on a bench, perhaps accidentally forgotten by someone on his (or her) way to prayer. Did I suddenly get the insane desire to burn it? NO! I picked it up carefully, using napkins and tinfoil so as to show my reverence to its sacred vellum pages and its lovingly decorated cover. I then got on my knees in supplication to Gaea so that I would have the strength to crawl my way to the Mosque, two miles away, on my knees....which I did. I was bruised and bleeding and exhausted by the time I got there. When I arrived, I was able to get the Book to the Imam that was in attendance. I did NOT look at him - because I am a heathen, and it would be a grave insult to do that. No, I looked away in shame for what my people have done to his people. He laughed scornfully at me and slammed the doors, and when my ears stopped ringing I knew that my prayers to Gaea were answered: I had achieved my rightful place in his eyes, and I felt my soul glow...

Race-based Police Brutality gone crazy in Silver Spring Maryland at the Discovery Channel Headquarters

Yesterday I learned from my friends at democraticunderground.org that a horrible case of police brutality occurred in Silver Spring Maryland, where an environmentalist peace activist doing a demonstration - which is protected by the First Amendment - was brutally attacked by so-called "police officers". These "police officers" fired LEAD BASED bullets at him in the middle of his demonstration, which of course killed him. Also, he was ASIAN.

This is disgusting, who are these people? Reporters tried to find out. It turns out that a high percentage of the officers at the scene that day were white, possibly Republican. When reporters asked them to justify this unprovoked attack on a man who only wanted to protect the environment, they were told "No Comment".

What are they trying to hide?!

Actual pictures from Glenn Beck's racist white pride rally

I keep hearing ridiculous stories about how thousands and thousands of people showed up on the Mall in DC this weekend, and I can tell you first hand that this is a lie. I was there. As you can see in this picture, very few people attended, and I'm not even sure if they were actually attending or if they were on their way to a museum or something. Have these racist fascist capitalist baby lovers no shame?!

Planned Parenthood cares about kids

In an effort to dispel the myth that Planned Parenthood doesn't care about kids, they have created the following site to help promote safety for children. Please send this out to any breeder friends you may have so that their kids can be safer: Kid Safety

Demand: stop calling it the "Ground Zero Mosque"

I am disgusted and appalled at the lack of respect for the new and glorious mosque
that our peaceful friends, the Muslims of the world, are building in New York for us. Repeatedly I keep hearing it referred to as the "Ground Zero Mosque". This is an abomination under their holy, many-headed god "Allah".
The number zero, in the Muslim world, is considered the lowest of all possible numbers, and therefore when Fox News and other right wing so-called "news" people refer to it as "ground zero", what they are doing is saying that a Muslim mosque is worth absolutely zero. I do not know how all this started, but we liberals should NOT play this game. We should demand that there be no reference to "ground zero" or any other numbers when referring to mosques, or to "Mohammad", the ancient, all-powerful blue demigod that is worshiped in many parts of the Middle East and in the United States.
My Muslim friends tell me that if we wish to refer to the site of the new mosque as "Great Ground of Infinite Conquest over the Great Satan" then that would be more in keeping with their spiritual equilibrium. I implore everyone to honor their collective wishes....

We need to stop racism in cartoons!

In an effort to stop racism in the world and abroad, I am humbly asking the Government of the United States of America to rename the cartoon character "Speedy Gonzales" to a more culturally sensitive name.

It is a disgusting shame that whenever someone sees a piece of cheese laying around, everyone thinks a little cloud of smoke will appear, followed by the cheese immediately disappearing. This is not the way Mexicans behave. Nor, in fact, do they walk around going "Hey, I'm the fastest person in all of Mexico!"

Unfortunately, so-called "Speedy" Gonzalez does this all the time. Even if it
is only in cartoon format, this has to stop. I am suggesting the following culturally sensitive names for this character which will help reduce the stigma attached to Mexicans of Latino descent.

1) Industrious Sancho - The hardest working mouse in all of North America!
2) Prolific Pedro - The handsomest mouse in all of the Southwest!
3) Careful Hernandez - The highest number of emergency room visits in all of Arizona!

Each of these names illustrates an often overlooked quality among the gentle people of the South, namely: Hard work, zest for life, and healthy living. You won't catch any of these mice eating artery-clogging dairy food, which is cruelly stolen from cows (what do the calves drink? Nobody knows...).

Anyway, I recommend that all my readers mail their Congress-persons and get them to make a change. I challenge YOU to be The most conscientious activist in all of the Blogosphere!

Lesbian Pelican - one womyn's ode....

Lesbian Pelican:

Down in the Gulf of Mexico,
Where no immigrant's allowed to go,
Where BP continues to defile and despoil,
The world and its creatures with cancerous oil...

The republicans are racists,who speak only hate,
Perhaps they need to go on a great date?
But if they did, they'd only get one,
Because Republicans only ruin other people's fun...as they did vacationers in the gulf...

That is why, down below Texas(or, if facing north, the right of mexico),
Which is raped every day by BP and Sunoco...
Why down in the Gulf, where Penguins have been seen,
The water will never, ever again, be green....

Anyway, you know what I mean, the world is a mess,
And that is why, in September, when you vote for Congress,
You need to vote Democrat,and not for Republicans,
Unless you want to see...oil-soaked...pelicans....

Why everyone should be forced to buy a Chevy Volt

I am hopping mad right now because our side is winning, and yet all of them are afraid of the Republican so-called "backlash" in the September election. Basically, President Obama forced GM to make the Chevy Volt, which is great. This car gets something like 40 miles on a single charge, and only uses gasoline if you have some capitalist need to go out of your local community. So it FORCES people to conserve more, which is great for the environment, and good for everyone. Its incredible. Personally, they needed to lose the stupid gas tank, but again, our side caved to the special interests. Anyway, the car costs $40,000, which isn't that much if EVERYONE is paying it (after all, if everyone can jump 10 feet in the air, rather than about 3 feet, then people wouldn't be surprised at all - 10 feet would seem like it was 'normal').

Great reasons to force people to buy the Chevy Volt:
1) It would free the world from competition, because people WOULDN'T buy gas-guzzling cars from non-green companies like Ford and Toyota. Ford purposely didn't take any bailout money so that they could continue to destroy the rainforests, and they need to pay.

2) Forcing everyone, not just a few people, to buy the Volt would actively engage ALL people to help the world, and helping the world is the reason we have a government at all, isn't it?

3) Once we force people to buy a Chevy Volt, getting them to do other things will be that much easier. Tv's that only run 40 minutes, computers that only run 40 minutes, and lots of other things that will only operate for about 40 minutes before cutting off.

4) Once the other car companies are out of business, we can even get the battery life down to maybe 20 miles, rather than 40, and this would allow people to spend more time in their local communities. Local communities, local communities LOCAL COMMUNITIES. Good for you, good for me, good for the entire community.

5) Once everyone starts buying the Chevy Volt, people will realize that taking over GM was a great idea, because their profits will go through the roof. And that helps them, it helps us, and everyone in local communities everywhere.

The Democrats just need to get a backbone and push this thing. Or tomorrow, there will be no more oceans.

If it weren't for Collective Wishes, Peaceful Dreams would be the greatest blog ever, even after only two posts.

Peaceful Dreams is a very progressive blog by a person who appreciates me as a person, a friend, and a protector of human rights and other things. I am pretty sure that whoever is in charge of it is already being flooded by hundreds of visitors. Now, after this post, I hope that my readers will push that number into the millions.

Candle Undercover: lessons in context

Because of all the context issues I'm seeing in the news today, I thought it was time to do a little undercover investigation of my own, on Youtube. To conceal my identity, I did my research from a local library (not saying which one), taking breaks from time to time at Cosi in Balston, Arlington Virginia.

The footage you see below is from a peaceful assemblage by the New Black Panthers. Much has been made of the supposed "racism" or so-called "violence" advocated in this video, and yet little has been said about the obvious fact that this video lacks one important thing: context.

As you may have heard (or perhaps you have not, you decide), there is a recent video that was released by one "Andrew Breitbart" creator of an infamous and mostly ignored and/or unknown website called "Breitbart.com". As the name implies, it is said by many that this website is devoted mostly to Andrew himself. However, occasionally he posts videos that are completely out of context, like the video the other day about Shirley Sherrod, a worker for the NCAA who was laid off for making fun of white racist farmers - OR SO THEY SAY. What REALLY happened is a whole 'nother story, as the saying goes... But I digress.

Anyway, the following video of the New Black Panthers will finally shed light on what everyone knows is the real issue: racial context:


ANALYSIS:
1) Crackers (00:41): the man in the video, whose name is King Samir Shabazz (kinda sounds like Sherrod, doesn't it? Hmm....), well, he mentions how he wants to kill "crackers". What he THEN goes on to say, if you watch the rest of the footage that was deleted, is that he USED to believe this, but then changed his mind after thinking about it a while. I, for one, believe him.

2) Killing "cracker" babies (1:09): First of all, in the additional footage which was conveniently "lost", he goes on to say that he is a big supporter of Planned Parenthood, and by saying "kill some cracker babies", he was saying in his own culturally significant way, "I think that young people, especially young white people who maybe made a mistake, should think about the possibility of abortion so that they aren't penalized with a cracker baby." But of course, Fox News, Glenn Beck and Andrew Breitbart didn't report that, did they? No. They were too busy attacking Shirley Sherrod, Acorn and unemployed black farmers.

3) Cracker Whore B*tches (00:51): here King Samir uses this term NOT as a reference to prostitution or female dogs. You would know this if the racist who took this video actually showed the statement that immediately followed this, which was, "These are the words I would be using if I played into the stereotypes that the Bush Administration wants from black people. But much like Shirley Sherrod, I will not do that."

I am completely, utterly and totally disgusted by everything.

I have discovered the meaning of life

I was standing in the grocery store the other day, trying to shop peacefully while getting in my daily 20-minutes of hatred for the ignorant, fat, meat eating monsters among us who only go shopping because it is still legal to do so, when I inadvertently stumbled upon the meaning of life.

Here's how it went down:
I was walking down the racistly named "ethnic foods" section of Giant, looking for some powdered onion tofu resin (which I sprinkle in warm water for a healthy lunch), when I noticed a Gaea-damned box of Twinkies purposely placed so as to cover my tofu resin. Now, before you call me a crazy person who thinks the world is out to get her, please hear me out. Because at first, even I was skeptical that this was on purpose.

After taking the Twinkies back to the white-male themed pastry aisle (why's the Pilsbury Dough Boy white, hello...), I noticed that in front of the stack of Twinkies there was a Gala apple. That's right, you're starting to see it now aren't you?

Grabbing the apple (viciously), I ran through the aisles at dangerous speeds, careening off of shopping carts full of my dead brother's and sisters (cows/chickens/pigs), past old womyn who are no longer much use but still linger on, stuff like that, and when I arrived breathless at the Gala apple stand to put the apple back I was horrifically confronted by a 6-pack of Coke resting exactly on the edge between the oranges and the apples.

"Aaaaeeaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!" I screamed (sorry for any mispellings). And hell yes, I startled a few white people who thought they'd gotten away from exhibitions of harsh reality by not shopping in the inner city for their so-called "food". What of it? Some people who were not white looked upon me with veiled approval because in their countries and/or hoods they had experienced far worse and were respectful of my near-incapacitating anguish.

Snatching up the 6-pack, cringing as my finger came into contact with its sea turtle-killing plastic wrap, I ran up to a little boy watching his mom's shopping cart and thundered, "Get out of the way oxygen thief!" and then pushed away, riding the back rail, kicking furiously to build up speed, howling all the way my indifference to their supposed "shopping rules". That's how angry I was. Anyway....when I got to the soda aisle...well...I won't tell you the number of misplaced health conscious food items I found there. There were even some non-health items sprinkled in, as if they think we're all too stupid to realize what's going on.

As soon as I was finished relocating the nutritious food I left (I didn't want to give the cops another racist Gates-like incident). But not before yelling loudly at the manager to "Do your job and keep the health food AWAY from the trash food, you Obama-hating capitalist Nazi!"
!
So anyway, whatever, I'll let you know the meaning of life later, after I calm down a little.

Collective Wishes has been targetted by outside forces for destruction....

Do not be fooled by this supposed "blogpot-wide" problem, this isn't the first time my site has come under attack by Trilateral Forces (the Skullz, the Dragon Court, the Illuminati, etc.). Now, when people go to post comments here, the comments suddenly go "missing". I do not yet know if the commentators THEMSELVES have gone missing, but I digress. Do not be fooled into thinking that just because the problem is going on everywhere that it isn't directed at Collective Wishes - that's the point. Don't buy it - I'm not.

I may or may not be available for the rest of the day. If you do not hear from me in a few days, plant a tree for me.

My friend witnessed a miracle

Enjoy the wonder....

Conservatives: is voting patriotic?

As the September elections approach, and all you right wing republicans, truck drivers, and people named "Roy" start thinking they have a shot at taking over the government, I would like to ask you a very important question: is voting really patriotic?

I ask you this not to disuade you from voting because I, like all liberals who believe in abortion, think it is VERY patriotic. Like all liberals who think that white/rich/farmers should be taxed until they are driven onto welfare, I think voting is the right thing to do for all progressive-minded people. Why? Because for one day out of the year, it forces you to stop being an individual and to join the faceless masses of non-persons called "voters", so that you can give a person you don't even know complete power over everyone and every thing!

As I say, I do not ask "is voting patriotic?" because I want to make you question voting this September. Rather, I ask it because I know that so-called "conservatives" believe in individualism, and in not killing babies, and in letting everyone have guns. Did you know that you can't bring guns to voting booths? You can't....if that makes you question the patriotism of voting, then I am honor bound to tell you so that you can make your own decisions, INDIVIDUALLY.

May Jesus Christ go with you all, and guide you to the right solution for you all as individuals. May Mary and the blessed babe and He Who Shall Not Be Named help you to avoid any unnecessary driving required on election day if it is not completely necessary...

Good bye, and goodluck!

My favorite latino soap!

Ok, I don't watch soap opera's - lets get real, ok? However, when I took Spanish at the community college, we learned that so-called "soap operas" are actually considered high art in Mexico, Columbia, Peru, the Sandinistas and El Nacho Libre. Without even realizing it, I got hooked on the one below (that's how they get you). Enjoy...but don't get hooked like me :(

*BREAKING NEWS* -- Senator McChrystal is trying to undermine the President!

I just heard about this today over at the Democratic Underground and I'm hopping mad! Senator McChrystal needs to be fired, or whatever you do to public servants who go to Afghanistan to bad mouth the President. I don't know who this guy is, but he was put in charge of Afghanistan and now its a mess over there. This is why everyone in this country should be forced to vote Democrat. Barrack Obama is trying his best to fix the mess that the Bush so-called-administration started over in the middle east, but instead we have people like this guy who pal around with the Rolling Stones (notorious right-wing music group) shooting their mouth off.
How would McChrystal like it if the leader of the Taliban came over here and criticized the president of Afghanistan? He probably wouldn't find that funny, would he?